At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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