New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
