i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
