Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
