So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
