She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
