Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize