She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize