Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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