but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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