Non-Jews are for practice
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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