Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
