Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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