a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
