so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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