I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
