after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
