So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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