My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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