Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
