Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
