I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if only i could text you this smell
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
