her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
