Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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