finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
