how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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