i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
