your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
