Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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