just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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