The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
that's an acceptable place to lick
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
