It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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