So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize