Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
