please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
