i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
