my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
