I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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