my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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