i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
