Sponge bath it is.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my being single is dangerous.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize