there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
