there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
