Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
