watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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