I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
