Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
