And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
