Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
