shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
