Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
