How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
