Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
