someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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