glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
