We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
