I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
