Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
