i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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