If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
