I hate your face
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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