If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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