so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
babies were throwing up all over the place
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
