You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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