Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
