3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
