My balls are so social today.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
